Cape2Kigali — Arrival
May 29th, 2019
On July 29th, 2017, exactly 22 months ago to the day, I made this exact same flight from Amsterdam to Cape Town. It would be my first real adventure abroad and living on my own, and my fingers danced on this very same keyboard typing the words of my journal with nervous excitement. I was on a mission to try and figure out who I was.
Who am I?… As Walt Whitman said, we are all given a verse to write in the grand play of life. A verse can be short or long, simple or grand, shallow or profound. Though I have begun to write the first few words of my verse, I am unsure how it will end. This past year it feels as though the pen which was steadily writing my verse has ran out of ink… So, as this journey begins, I hope to pick up the pen once again and continue to write my verse. Every time I am sure I have decided what it will say, I explore an alternative. The only thing I know for sure is I can’t be average. I have to find a deeper meaning in what I do. I can’t settle for anything less than greatness….But who am I?
22 months later I’ve thought about that a lot. I’ve come to understand that our lives are nothing more than a sequence of chaotic, random events…words scrambled on a blank page. This is hopeless and despairing existence, full of unceasing suffering. That is until the human capacity is realized to create meaning despite this chaos, to find love in unimaginable suffering, and to embrace life in the face of impending death. This is all there is: this one verse we get to write with the scrambled words that make up our life. Do we have the courage, despite our insignificance, to take these words and write a verse that changes the course of the entire play?
22 months later I’m not so concerned about figuring out who I am. I am more content with that changing every day, with letting that naturally emanate from my existence, with understanding the self is just an abstraction. What I am more concerned about is how I can consistently embrace the fullest version of myself. I want to be able to embrace the fullest version of myself so I can inspire others to do the same. I think that space is where the world is the happiest and human capacity is maximized. This backpacking trip is about self-growth and exploration, about learning and about listening. It is also about lighting a fire in others to explore the world and embrace the texture of their lives.
22 months later I’m a completely different person. This summer I hope to plant the seeds of growth for the next 22 months. Who knows what those precious months will hold? The universe might be chaotic, but there is beauty in chaos. We can create meaning in this chaos. The great paradoxes of life…
22 months later, I’m back on that same plane. I made a promise to myself that I would honor my first trip to Cape Town through my actions, and that one day I would be back. The former goal has been accomplished already. The latter will be in 30 minutes.
